A letter from May 9th, 2020

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, right now, i am laying in my bed, day 57 of quarantine and came across a tiktok that showed me this website. i didn’t know what to write about but i thought i’d let you know how you were feeling EXACTLY one year ago. i am sad and probably depressed. of course i have those good days where i’m in a good mood but it’s not the same. i’m not myself anymore. i would’ve never imagined my SENIOR YEAR ending like this. i worked so hard to get to where i am and now i can walk down the isle with the rest of my class in our caps and gowns. i already bought my prom dress and we don’t have a prom anymore and i can’t return my dress. i never really cared about going to prom that much until probably grade 11 and now that’s taken away from me. my grad trip is also cancelled. we were going to disney and we were actually supposed to be at animal kingdom today. i haven’t been able to hug my grandparents since aunt dorothy’s funeral. and i haven’t been able to hug my friends since march 13. it’s very boring. i feel like everyday is just a waste. i do the same thing everyday. wake up. get dressed. do school. eat food. go to bed. i barely sleep anymore and i feel like i’m not even eating anymore. mom says that people are saying i look tired and sad. i’m just so emotionally and mentally exhausted. everything that i’ve been working so hard for was ripped away in a matter of seconds. i cry at least once everyday and cry myself to sleep at least once a week. all i want in the world right now is to have my last summer with my friends before they all leave for university and forget about me. i’m really worried that they will forget about me, even though they said they won’t. i really hope it got better, quickly after this. and i really hope you got your last summer. if you haven’t already, kiss that boy. just frickin do it. if you’re 19, and still haven’t had your first kiss, that means you can legally drink before you kissed a boy, you loser. maybe get a boyfriend too. but maybe not since you’re going to uni in the fall. honestly don’t worry about boys, they all suck anyway. i hope you are working at a really good job right now making BANK and i hope you finally got a car. you definitely deserve it. i also hope you finally started going on runs and working out because i know that i really want to but i have no motivation right now. you’re perfect the way you are. i love you love, myself

Epilogue

1 day later

it is now day 423 of being in a lockdown/pandemic. i’m not as emotionally and mentally exhausted anymore. i don’t cry myself to sleep very often. i threw myself my...

Wear pomr drsse my sillt ihwt nsriefd got to eitltl wno so my i. Nda trispecu aenkt yvgrnehiet tog. Go dna dna adurantigo rou got to leab ni tireeh we ntaek to cnesi crsuepit gdra ongsw olsa eifnsdr i acsp ym t’wnree. Eray oen si signel orev i icouiurdsl ahd akdin ni oepelresv a eahv hhicw. All who alkt uabto am ym slmoerpb to ot a das eavh i and nudfo i eihasprtt. Anc m’i gbeni semylf seh ackb hopign ot nirbg me. Sacry dworl tghir won is eth qiteu. Of ’its ppoeel a revmgentno atsolm adn erlnieolb oivsme ingeveyhrt sattr etsoh teh het hewre ikel ovre kseta oen. Fiylditene all bnireleol ojni i illw taht ttha i si know. But owrk now eaeuscb at nwodlkco a m’i irthd of ffo aeleg i dila cmrinaea epitralymor crrtunley. To in ngoig ’im lgcolee rmspetbee. Anth nileno ganai illw lyilke eomr fnayuotrlntue eb. Mvoe be emmrus to baesceu hatt fsirt dogo ti entre’w areryl aayw rndeifs ilwl me niayrpg apylbobr to saw nenio)l elba ihts eoerbf hyt(e roamnye i’m ltclaauy ehtn yrae my tkla dan. Tino to si fi i vmeo wen blae i’m meka ot at u,hgoht enercseid am atth oohlcs drsefni dexecit. .
I dideen am vahe nmae ton nad i oll frsti 19 kiss tbu my ahd. . . . T’is icdvos’ atful. Ubt i ot i ioelazpog hstgigon got dan omre iankd did feli tub oogd swa gtnkial esopdpt up knthi eh ygu eht tearsdt doog u,gys eh a tdeseientr t,i cwihh i eht httsa’ alaculty wllyos yob uysb danki ihwhc egt am godo sgsue he uesbcea sujt ni a i os and rfo btaou roem he his em inatkgl dedne i eervn ,me usetp ot. .
Wef ym rfo tsol hte a i smot fo lerytenc of orsnesa itdpsu edifsnr. Tcha lautd nda was hetm bginr dtlau yteh yteh nad tyeh nto arpstne i 81 ognrw teh swa imet tmhe em rewe leatdgjmeun rtehi na dais i i ta saw ecpsla tewhvera lyon et’erwn urogp ubt i ctonongfirn ni utbao ni ti ltccoipryiha outba ohw dna acr dan to enrftodnoc eyt nad i iklgtna mshevtslee otrhes swa iedddec rongw welhi so an swa eecabus nad meth eht for yhte taht erwe onnigigr and lwoeald atth beeacus it yver ym ’mi ot. Etmh crwes. Tyerhe’ ywnaay txcoi. Dan ynagitnh a yas i shulod ulcdo nto hmet erom but lto eb do tuboa i vciil. H(yte eldkboc dan uratmime )taht erwe i guhhot os lveo me.
Os lefi ealylr dna si tueancnri ksusc sltli it. Hngnyait do a’tnc ew. My tilsl is cedlleanc pirt rdag. Ayhlsilpyc swa eevr teyh tgouhh ctrcneo us teh rssoc and enfrdu eivg ym it gte iftsr we ’wtno sponoepdt to to neev a orerbd atn’c. .
Th’tas nyay,wa ti i sgues. .
.
E,lov yfemls.

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