A letter from April 17th, 2020

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, Hello, its currently April 17th, 2020, 4:29 PM The world is shut down because of the coronavirus, it is all very apocalyptic. this is my second email to my future self, I hope you're doing well. I read mine from when I was 15, last year. I was really not confident yet because of my eyelid surgery. Currently, my obsession is still Lana Del Rey, I'm studying at San Domenico, which seems so impossible, past me had no idea I would be here. I'm getting treatment for Anxiety and Depression, which I feel guilty for talking about because I'm not even sure I have it if you get what I mean. You'll almost be 18 by the time you get this letter, which is insane. That's a whole adult! Anyways, here are the questions I set for us from last year's letter. How are your grades? Around a B Family? I'm really close with my dad now, we watch Haikyuu together and I cannot be more grateful for him. I miss mom dearly but she's in Taiwan. I lost her silver earrings and I feel bad because she gave them to me and they were beautiful. Love life? Sigh, Still nonexistent. There's this guy in my class, Cameran, he's really, really cute. I'm also confused about my feelings towards Carys and Lola, they're both pretty and my friends. I'm on a facetime with Lola right now, she doesn't know I'm writing this. I want to be her good friend before anything else, she reached out to me and seems to really, really care about me. She's a republican though, which is confusing because she's a wonderful person that seems to care about people. self-confidence? It fluctuates, but ever since my monolid surgery I feel a lot prettier, and people tell me I'm pretty. But I'ms still insecure and I wish I was prettier. and I also wish I was more motivated and intelligent. I think I'm pretty smart, I just don't apply myself as most people do. Mental health: I had such a strong urge to cut today, and I feel like I've been faking everything about having bad mental health and that I'm just too sensitive. It's a bad feeling and I wish it would get better soon. My therapist's name is Gabrielle, she's okay but I don't think shes really helping me, not in the way Rachael did at least. social life? Isa was an amazing roommate, a little messy and complains too much but she's the best friend I could ever ask for. She's always there for me and I know I can trust her, I do make fun of her a little too harshly, just because I could. I'm going to stop. I have a bunch of friends now! none of them are necessarily close though. I eat lunch with Jack, Sophie, Angel, and Judy and Fiona. I'm also talking to Carys and Anaya, they give me headaches because I want to be closer to them but we don't have much to talk about. I'm very jealous of Carys because of shes strong, talented, smart, opinionated, funny and pretty. It's not a good emotion. I have Kara and Sara, they're my quarantine buddies and Sara and I love to watch Timothee Chalamet movies and thirst over them There's also my east 2 friends, Gemma, Clara (Isa's girlfriend, I hope it turns out well for them) and Julia. We always have fun although I'm pretty sure none of the people in the friend group like each other very much. And there's Lola, she's special and I feel like we just click, we get high together and we watch anime, we love Saiki K. she is also very gorgeous and caring, I love her. greatest accomplishment? I came out of my comfort zone and survived with decent grades to show, I managed to make some good friends and I sought help for my mental health. the biggest problem right now? I'm struggling with my mental health and self-doubt. and the coronavirus thing is giving me a lot of stress. I also lack motivation for anything in life, especially Chemistry. meme.palette?shes at 57.5k! but its quickly going downhill, I don't know why who's your best friend? I have Isa, and Noorun, and Emma, and Lola. I love them all a lot even though I still doubt myself sometimes. which school? san Domenico! are we happy? As happy as I can be anything on college/future jobs? Mrs. May recommended some colleges for me, its stressful because I don't have a high enough GPA and SAT score. How's Junior year? It's stressful but good I hope you're in a good place right now, don't worry about things too much, and I want you to have a good time. -stella, 16

Epilogue

about 5 years later

Hi babygirl,

I love you, I love, love love your mind, your humor, your wisdom, your grace, your terrifying insight. The world has recovered from the coronavirus sometime into your...

Yoomnec sha fo bti ahs hchiw enssidperg a pu, oserspc eth neeb eth ilponpatcia itlsl ot agohlthu yrae eecgll,o kicp eyt obj kngmia osnecd. .
.
Ontef alna ot tbu yer nae,rmyo sa ondt' niledeyift led litnes we s'she evraotif tisll a. To i ygretiehvn hwo dan dmzaea clpea is sna ,eb ta ediocmon rhad enaddhl am oyu a. Am yuo be ysear oes,tnh i htwa vorrcneeig ngduri yrtpeah hapdpnee sitll rfom ot in osthe ot. Dvruesvi kcip aludt an ew will ruemosno hc,ild nda up as a na setr i the muaont sa. I etbtre hte uoy rvee nodig usliivaez 22 aw,y anc of w'eer anc gneaimi ry,rwo by tanh rrho'tono—dr tasmol srsipeexon oruy o,nw !ienaigm ouy anc wee'r. .
.
Gibrn testyinni now, ttah owdn nwor ot t'is egno esud uory nruobeidsa uoy nad rfom etasnrp erats etebwen eulurbntec ntser by ot aeg era ynfrucqee sdeltet ayilnm the. Isht ouy ihwt of iytimacn caeubes esmo vaeh rbomepsl. .
.
You fo ni ntelge lvo,e elvo twhi popeel taht the you ot oe,lrsuyf dan ffoer eno yrou "eb hetse res,eltt :wtroe. Dink otn nvereyoe ont tub rvoneeey is is eamn. Gytinr i targe hwta uoy rmfo " uacrfle eb a na inngtociun am hrt,ae tda,lu rtciapec tiwh to slitl as ym. Lal hte ear poelpe knwo sddo yw,a dnif a,wth to ecmo t,ou htouhg? yb otsm staigna uoy ,dnki. Hgtni a butoa godo riealze ?ti int's teh ot r,wdol.
.
Dna oev,l 3 rtsfi eeddn onti gto we emrts ti ni at 2,2 uro ekwes fo tiihnw nltpoarishie. *** eon of het uoy own, to usrpersi no ear. Isad gihnst het yuvo'e og,d. . . I do emreermb owlud to sisingk reoymm ktnih swohl eth estalc bsepm,rlo ihnmgseot taths doy'u ebrmmree me solamt i aanya dan realyl not rttah,ee ni i moive aveh mgivon. Niudrg the tthree"a "iveom ohclo,s wodlu otn uory to eht ******* fo dah eb nertaeedge you abltosue by inagdbor a teae,rth we ti eb lnyo eht csscae mevoi lduwo a,yw hcrchu eirananuqt. Juess chirts. .
.
I knhingit tuoab uyo keep. Cgadinn iygnl evrteihngy exi,setn reh ta ,uhotc onw name nad e,ahtbre btu het sohocl is'sa sitnrolhpeai a in dbe igtnh hwit loal in in in htiw rcuhhc nligeph nayaa. ,asryc nwta ro ic,lche utsnnddear jtus it rfo oncsfeud ot ya,naa si't eegfnlsi i'tns btauo a evnre laol, l'efsi erwe swa i?t uedsprspes nfynu ,own oru ,asi or we or. Caernit feli eomr abesuce tou etg eaneacctpc *,** we vene ekwn we ulwdo ardehr wree coeebm form hreac ecaubse gprosu of tath dlwou. .
.
Tie—sle hyw belkocd i i uo,t nihkt htis efirgytnir oru oweemhesr ndrtnuesda ro dntuer w'eev atnttieno aws. Pautio ni evyer aws to meipndca fi,ynertigr uoyr toin eruesesnq eherw nrmso ocn,eds uyo qreeu eenss wsa olrwd rtngiy giaknw rwee was scailo nrfetygi,ri on uryo weer npheo oevdl dielv erwe uoy kames wyh het asceep fsnreid ti ryuo airtcsit evol deapctec, f,rigeyitrn rewe ilsrg hte ede,dnif adn a apstenr a gfren,yitri. Aawy, a of tgoualhh trap uro od yb e'ewr tllsi bitha eth vaeh i odngi edeepr in tewn it hftai uond,w si reven hte thta, ,way furetu. S'ti isht maed oru etebr,t amsndes tra. .
.
E:fli oislac.
.
I scoden het oknw ecntpco tfaer yuo year ndes riethe lge?cloe yb wsorcd the teh fo 'dintd y,aw fo idd oocl. Srupgo somt nagh the of rast fo hmte elpo,ep ergta ni or ni ew nevolivd evralse own reeuq. Do ew have gdeins ,wya wno, edfsrni dna ()hna+sna outrindopc a taht ivnaiv dna eamd odm efw. Gig aws $060 tgbsieg by fehtar uryo padye inavvsi. Nmazgai sfroepros mmoticynu elopp:e oy,ngu olas fo iwjonn hgrbotu ,eykl na diegns aiyij kmi. Yo you aelp oectrpj oerisn nad nsiawmh remiedht eulb hbtgruo uyro otd tnea. Eenv arodab clsaot,dn ew engdanl sgtnivii ni idensrf mohts,n tnwe eyenodj ureop,e we ni cndeli,a 27 aedm nibge nuador dna ustyd ot ew otw. Easpg of rekcsbdoapo and 002 'evyuo meoirsem pu. Of frieatvo lciuykq ruyo cbmaee neo dnaceil tscounrei. An,hahn s,sciae teohr ucleind nasmyi epepol sag:w ,ncog. .
.
Fun sah no,w rcreashe been gtrih. Adn shseti roosefspr egng, on lvoe aniki ebne oru joy aalkyma, uro ahs bal noigmlo we tbu u,s wthi. Tac veen. .
.
Het errc,ae dna zgaiamn idvel my eloglce minnrast—bt,eapti tnngorila heter ,alaien 'evwe ntriteey alos of rfo emzt lsirg ni hwit. Darttes elihw dna 'eyhetr mzet onw t,oo al feart igdtna a in aielan. Tuiq hre lagso ylifma sesatmr ot fro reh hh,tale eurtfu her ot agpmror ehmo ehr and go alemtn hinrisoaeptl itwh verteaue-al dna tzem bcak. Tfcaiyli omh,e ornikwg yee na rfo rcae iatanssts is'le an sa aitdasmriievtn ackb. Emda dha ignakt neeb w,yaa pesads hsa fo nihkt ti hre eatangrd,rnp baout erh just hsse' acer dna me aeg rgemnohtard. .
.
Ul,bcs spndgnie ni binti aotcrn htob ,csato era and oyu a oyu ysda fo cumnaltuoi gpuor endirsf adn rsab ocesl dame wthi ,isivtmca of a uthrohg. In rd,h)vraa arrism srahreec bboyr hwo( to tercynle a,eixl a ,ynsod ltfe bal in raiec, okwr as,enlge. Avrtbin clhncrlyoia a rt,asm e,hrdeat rpue gupor nda olnien ibt olpepe fo. .
.
Ym i of srienfd eepk r,soceu uainvddlii. Acn a z,eszlad uoy dttmaisinei and ohw weohs rgfeni trlselnysele utp vreen ewhalt has royu tub no tseurpopd admser coc,o. .
.
Ffo ogdo our ee'vw shit ifle rou nceecacapt seilnpga ecma notetg hutyo os evw'e hatt ,ntghi taht encemd,ritsn ngvaih ,yswa oailcs mofr in of yiccstar at rtdaset adn dhgidesn plpeoe. ,hingst am gnneliar nolerv—ale and i yherpta engbi eldary in tiggnet how ere'w nwo inregmmbree eelfs it rstee,f st,enrep oru niimezmi ngutejsme,d no sturt dsrae rcepi on rahetarkbe, ianpgy to ustj oevr hawt ruo at,tneihcu lilw hte. .
.
Mobinita tbu all os lotneatr am satte woh yeht ,is a,yws iaamzgn ilfe ehtse tqisureic intecrou era i haev ubt t,sram fo elftgaru mteh my ngcaipetc, no irgth dna i ofr ,own het locsia kloo oru of dan opp,ele ta. Veah, oogd utb not inivgaeignstt to tis' oen hghtout whort a. Mfseyl evern hhugtto akme atth rnsfied ouwld ouatb i i iy,elas i ysa. E,rhte iersfgrti—yni, ltuecru to mfylse dol ym san—wad hte ym otu semlfy swuno,d higaenl em tssrti,ene it cvnnanliouteno npsrguui tgiputn fidgnni tlsil anizlisgico ni gtionfo randou c,elgelo. Mneostr kool fo teh but and ti ksdsnien seerp ohw ued ,fof ot aepyd. Drpuo ar,elyl 'im dumlh,be and. Its' tgenrsa a intomeo. On oury anig i omitm,cynu od tahn enev yuo itogofn, dnfi ets llwi aevh dbuot ,me ttbree ousbniraed. Neo ew eb nca myeab looc yad l,leh. Ndki fo alrley oloc taht oloc, stteels the. I orrafwd to ti loko. .
.
Ni pkee yda i hiwt hah,sa nuoron my es,no hotcu dan a,aijnl oesur,c of. .
.
Trgetase ahmnm?picteocls.
Cbrki asbitimu,o kibrc a i and nelik—i isth have i i am flie ma lstye tpisaeolnry i a,drh idf,ern a nad yegnielnu atht by adn oodg ,tsorh okrw ilutb i i. V'eew dne of lgceole tlyirneaitonanl er'ew teh msoalt erteh ,opssrte uor ge,eedr serpendet ot oen. Nda ogt we tnio mbuioalc tieunrsyiv ysp pnrpepeide a )(! to ceidtomtm and. D!c)oort acn h(ey, be uyo a d. Or,kw iyawhhgs eriixnscge are r(o nda o,t) now nesgid anc lcoo dveir we ridouptcno ew rngtyi ngiod. No ho, ew ,rlgi cdrea a oen adedt and ceam ou,t. Orudsept sim,dent hte my fo ma i veohrew i khnti. Purley kac,l fo eacm hrewe i nda rgolne i no a wno and meysfl rpsecet rfom kwro i mfro leapc. .
.
D?saerg.
.
Ggtteni are of a,eoymnr in yuo ery'ou sa on three yuo ergasd aresg,d neo gadretau ongdi soteh yo,ak mtser of omre ear adswra. ******* an creersha, ti woh yposyocghl as rof anicclil lelw si eth lmeufha,s ase,m i ootk a a otady is i emt swa ti to gihrt btu eth phds xrate byo reya hknit nogid ei,odncis we od. .
.
Gtrih iggtseb olbrpem hte on?w.
To lmase,hbs csmrei hte rvlaees and mmiitsanrg be ocvrnosuair odnsealgi hte ot ni angikt frmo veor, wra ia esmse sotm :ltesa gridonpet uprtm lepbosmr noeyomc lfet si. 'etehsr in egpanpinh earvlse gdcsieneo the rlwod. Nda ot jbo, deam ariadf i ayslplorne, orf i ot mmomtenu iterstne aaridf ig,dsen ifdn up hte vgie yyhsoplcog kwor a and riafda adn to fo caifreisc ma hcni nlcaliic octimm to. I i nfrrdlgiie ist,h r,ca and a a dt'on nomey i all don't nda vhae nodt' ahve ehav. .
.
Hchwi oslh:co.
Advis!.
.
Ew era ?phpay.
Inowkgr i,t dna ubt a dteesssr, tib sey on. Yall,tcau on. Eafr i ni viel. Owh dan abel aws eb to yhppa im' i own mase i sa hnwe i as yas asw ehre nas whti ni i aws iodecmon, aphpy acn i ivlteeyjboc say i ncta' orme, eht rs:wean m?a.
.
Uetgflceulero/ on gynnihta bso?j.
Het ihst nsquieto igb is. .
.
A?rmesd.
.
Nkid sal,rom anwt and in ocol yb tciy, vhea tucnosicopa edroad lpoeep colo drsinef yb evil i lrveso woh looc to duronsuedr a dan. Segdni esu dna ym i ntoapitle lctilanaay ot antw. Evah i i,msehtgno to aslml ntaw pisbeldhu. Ot awnt my durpo ********* i nciater eb fo nad. And in stih dd,a ehmt oodg ym mih taetr adn be to wlaysa wlel nad agedrthu eb a imh nad nhroo i m,om ivaeetshmecn ceosl twan otscnia and ot to. Fidnntceo to eefl awtn i. Lidmibo-gnnw to si em (0k01 ont to i **** )nr wtna a emka fo eoynm. Be anwt to edtnenedpin i. I dan matsr natw be flbetaiuu ot. To i netvreal and plufewor and be tawn peectersd. Osneht iwth just my enibg srseide ,ehy. .
.
I oto hpoe gervofi etwdna 16, oshent atstus emda tihs ta and iegv i nda ym htta tan'sw i ngtiirw ntkhi a a mreo uetdpa berett, pu,rtesiotne tirrwe jtus to the so neulbsstn was. Moes we pheo up my thaw ifel vw'ee of amec adn fo mredas i hsti ot oeph i dulbi reemadd r,ute asawly. Ni my am a eridw llwi flee st'i be i secth it i opdur u,oy i fo fo os ,nlefgie orudp so you,. Yrptte rneve good duehoslr eettdsl, pu, euoyv' a no oury oeuvy' nda uyvo'e evga veren deha gto. Ouy eth epho mi' ifnd fro eovl i okloign. .
.
22 ega l,eltsa.

This user has written an update to this letter.To see what they wrote, please

Write new comment

Load more comments