A letter from April 17th, 2020

Time Travelled — 12 months

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, Hello, its currently April 17th, 2020, 4:29 PM The world is shut down because of the coronavirus, it is all very apocalyptic. this is my second email to my future self, I hope you're doing well. I read mine from when I was 15, last year. I was really not confident yet because of my eyelid surgery. Currently, my obsession is still Lana Del Rey, I'm studying at San Domenico, which seems so impossible, past me had no idea I would be here. I'm getting treatment for Anxiety and Depression, which I feel guilty for talking about because I'm not even sure I have it if you get what I mean. You'll almost be 18 by the time you get this letter, which is insane. That's a whole adult! Anyways, here are the questions I set for us from last year's letter. How are your grades? Around a B Family? I'm really close with my dad now, we watch Haikyuu together and I cannot be more grateful for him. I miss mom dearly but she's in Taiwan. I lost her silver earrings and I feel bad because she gave them to me and they were beautiful. Love life? Sigh, Still nonexistent. There's this guy in my class, Cameran, he's really, really cute. I'm also confused about my feelings towards Carys and Lola, they're both pretty and my friends. I'm on a facetime with Lola right now, she doesn't know I'm writing this. I want to be her good friend before anything else, she reached out to me and seems to really, really care about me. She's a republican though, which is confusing because she's a wonderful person that seems to care about people. self-confidence? It fluctuates, but ever since my monolid surgery I feel a lot prettier, and people tell me I'm pretty. But I'ms still insecure and I wish I was prettier. and I also wish I was more motivated and intelligent. I think I'm pretty smart, I just don't apply myself as most people do. Mental health: I had such a strong urge to cut today, and I feel like I've been faking everything about having bad mental health and that I'm just too sensitive. It's a bad feeling and I wish it would get better soon. My therapist's name is Gabrielle, she's okay but I don't think shes really helping me, not in the way Rachael did at least. social life? Isa was an amazing roommate, a little messy and complains too much but she's the best friend I could ever ask for. She's always there for me and I know I can trust her, I do make fun of her a little too harshly, just because I could. I'm going to stop. I have a bunch of friends now! none of them are necessarily close though. I eat lunch with Jack, Sophie, Angel, and Judy and Fiona. I'm also talking to Carys and Anaya, they give me headaches because I want to be closer to them but we don't have much to talk about. I'm very jealous of Carys because of shes strong, talented, smart, opinionated, funny and pretty. It's not a good emotion. I have Kara and Sara, they're my quarantine buddies and Sara and I love to watch Timothee Chalamet movies and thirst over them There's also my east 2 friends, Gemma, Clara (Isa's girlfriend, I hope it turns out well for them) and Julia. We always have fun although I'm pretty sure none of the people in the friend group like each other very much. And there's Lola, she's special and I feel like we just click, we get high together and we watch anime, we love Saiki K. she is also very gorgeous and caring, I love her. greatest accomplishment? I came out of my comfort zone and survived with decent grades to show, I managed to make some good friends and I sought help for my mental health. the biggest problem right now? I'm struggling with my mental health and self-doubt. and the coronavirus thing is giving me a lot of stress. I also lack motivation for anything in life, especially Chemistry. meme.palette?shes at 57.5k! but its quickly going downhill, I don't know why who's your best friend? I have Isa, and Noorun, and Emma, and Lola. I love them all a lot even though I still doubt myself sometimes. which school? san Domenico! are we happy? As happy as I can be anything on college/future jobs? Mrs. May recommended some colleges for me, its stressful because I don't have a high enough GPA and SAT score. How's Junior year? It's stressful but good I hope you're in a good place right now, don't worry about things too much, and I want you to have a good time. -stella, 16

Epilogue

about 5 years later

Hi babygirl,

I love you, I love, love love your mind, your humor, your wisdom, your grace, your terrifying insight. The world has recovered from the coronavirus sometime into your...

Het yare respocs yte nkigma of a atghhlou u,p lcaoiippant ncsdoe ikcp isrnsedepg jbo bti hwcih ahs neomcoy illst bene hsa hte g,ocelel ot. .
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To omyear,n 'shse edl lana dniyltefie entof dotn' but yer ltsil as fivaetor nliset ew a. Ohw ouy ans hlaeddn ma gitehenyvr be, miecnodo i alcep adn to si rhda emadaz ta a. Ma uoy iorceervng ni ugrdin st,hneo ahwt hsote eb i orfm rysae isltl to to etahypr headpnpe. Ornmouse ster udvvries up as as ,dchil pcki aoumtn dan ew i lduat eth na a wlil an. Uyo e'wer acn w,no het gnido can r,woyr wer'e iresoespxn i wya, ntah no'rroh—todr nac uyo 22 yb !igenaim visazueil yuor imegina trebet lmtosa of ever. .
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Tsldete nerst duse arest egon mfro lmaniy on,w nodw reqcnyefu rnbgi hte nsibeodaru rouy ot ouy norw age rae t'si wnebtee htta niteitsny ot prtasen tcurlbneeu yb nad. Uoy beeaucs omes isth evah nyicamit fo molrepsb hwti. .
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"be tgeeln estter,l one eth ehtse hwit uoy velo nad atth ruyo orffe of eppelo uoy w:reto love, ni ,fouryesl to. Otn nto veneoery si tub dikn si roeeeynv eman. Omfr ym eicptarc i htiw gerat ot htaw oyu nrgyit ma furcale a tllsi dault, as na ,ahert be nunogniitc ". T,hwa epeolp inasgta lla ecom smto nokw dinf ear hte ddso ot yb uo,t you ,wya htugo?h ,dikn. N'sti ,ldrow a zaieelr atuob ghint t?i the dogo to.
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Kwees ta tnio oel,v 3 ,22 ti fo tmers hintwi spirielthaon ew eednd ogt in srfti uro dna. *** neo of rae uiepsrrs ow,n hte ouy on to. Hte isad do,g voyue' nitshg. . . To tahst tnihk rrmbmeee yd'uo do ,aeethtr mreerbme otn knisisg onvgmi vhae tclsea i moeyrm ryllae prsboml,e osltam i imvoe osgtmnhie whosl me naaya ni i het owuld dan. Het ucchrh vimeo eaqaurnint ot lschoo, tasoelub eth hda a oandrgbi ******* csseca luodw ti be evo"im by only fo edneeeragt uory ouy ew het a,yw luowd eb ttea"erh rgundi tno eehrtat,. Cirtsh uejss. .
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I kepe oautb yuo nnithigk. Iynlg eht islnteihapro hiwt aayan ndgcnai in ni tub epnhlgi dan hwit ni ta aiss' oall nwo oshcol a in uhhccr deb ehr exeints, hergneyivt touc,h brate,eh ntihg nema. Erwe evern or or ti t?i s,ia aaa,yn rou nwo, oatub ngsfeile a clhi,ec nti's tdsdurenna ew tjsu ot for antw fi'sle ,lloa ro fncodsue nuynf suseerpdsp asw 'its c,rsya. Sprogu we bmeeoc leif nvee tuo arntice rofm fo uldow ewnk etg rmoe *,** aceteccapn lduwo we radrhe eerw bucaese ttah eecuabs rhcae. .
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Wmereoshe i wsa bdcelok nthik i ndetuadnsr nuedrt totnteian shit yirienfrgt otu, ew've ywh our or lse—tie. Pecsea a eolv ,rgynitiefr reeyv ,cnedso taipou ,ritgfrniey uyo eht eapntsr reew uyo yr,ftginrei triicsta saw it vilde on the oedlv yhw in irslg a gefr,tiniry wldor gawikn ,ceptedca to sredfin oyur ueqre i,feednd epohn royu snsee csiaol igyntr ksema cdeianmp erwe saw usqseerne ewre weer mrons nad nito ruyo ewreh wsa. Ptra a erpeed of y,aaw od eevnr tuuref ,yaw uor tbhai it teh i iahtf het is eewr' oigdn ni nwte sllit atth, yb hhuoatgl du,wno heav. Eadm si't sesmand our isht tebrt,e atr. .
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Oilacs flei:.
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Npcteoc ouy ecsndo eth aeyr dorscw gceo?lle yaw, nwko het rteaf eht fo loco by fo i dtni'd heietr desn ddi. Rspuog ,lppeoe rtage wno reueq ni ni them vvedonil of we stom evselar or het fo srat hnag. Ttha amde viinva mdo (n+h)asna ,ayw ewf a adn geisdn aehv w,no nad do tpnicrdouo we rseidnf. By gig aws yoru reftha aivsniv padey 00$6 ggebsit. Ygonu, gthburo incmtoyum egnsdi imk iajiy salo fo eo:pelp an oeorfpssr ,klye namgazi nnowij. Dot oyu ryou oteprcj and oirnse plea mnswhai oy iedtrehm gbtrhuo bleu tnea. Drouan gnadlen in nolatc,ds tysdu odarab 27 we dan son,thm nei,ladc we fsrdein eevn up,reoe ot ni nibeg ew tenw noedyej otw viisngti deam. And rdkbpoacsoe ouev'y fo up 002 emrosmei peasg. Steuornic rfeivoat eeacbm uory oen uqyiclk dlecina of. A,nhhna ,icesas rheto lueicdn c,ong elpope nsamiy aswg:. .
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,won rgith echreras fnu bnee has. Has thsise dna su, on utb ,ymalaak ruo uor rrpssoefo ojy bla ggne, lmgnooi oevl ihtw eebn aknii ew. Evne act. .
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Arrc,ee rfo dna eetntriy dviel ,itapebamirnt—snt aeni,la my tgranioln oasl in imzagan zmte rhtee eth grisl vw'ee of cellgoe hwit. Eiaaln refta angdti eztm hliwe now nad tehyer' o,ot in daetstr la a. Ckba hre ot fro quti nad urfteu fmliya oemh go hel,tha oargmrp rhe tzem nda atu-eealrev saermst her itwh lntmae to nstohiplriae soalg ehr. Yfiaictl o,hem eey cabk nissttasa nsiitiamradvet fro ogkwirn an an i'les erca sa. Ktnaig mdae it reh nghmreoatdr and of hsa tusj dah her age 'ehss caer psdsea bnee drpagrnane,t aywa, em utbao thikn. .
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Bl,scu dan obth a progu nfersdi itsamci,v tcaos, a hiwt eadm clseo rae of adn anctro itibn in oyu fo ydas ntcmuoialu pndgines gohthru uoy bsar. Rsmiar asleg,ne alb broyb a in heaercsr ni kwro ,sdony letf to (who xe,lai drarhv,a) rylceetn rei,ca. Erup elppoe brintav nad lnneio of uprog atre,dhe itb nllayrcihco a tmrsa,. .
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Frnsedi udilidniav of my i eepk ,ucseor. Uyo gerifn utodpsrep miteinditas sezlza,d nac wshoe upt who ahs evnre no ubt cooc, admsre a weathl oryu lsleesernlty dan. .
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From strtead ogod ayws, ta dna tntgoe oscial houyt paatecncec ni eacm fo hindedgs ghvnai nig,th peasinlg ifel csmteenrn,di off weve' taht htis wee'v oru ratsiycc so loepep ahtt uro. Rsttu no efesl aynipg se,efrt iwll ietgtgn on h,ngist acniu,teth eirbemnremg —neaolrelv how ovre dna utsj to easdr ma eibgn rwee' oru dueet,mjsng eth rpnetes, r,rebtekaah i daylre aphyret it leinrgan waht onw izmminie ruo irecp in. .
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Was,y all loko rof heav ta itseqrciu dan os ,eppole aeltotnr inmitoba on eht uocteinr ielf ym irthg are ubt hyte our heest who azinagm am acnep,gtci aiocls won, tmas,r eftglaru of i steta tbu ,si and i tehm fo. Wroht ton 'ist a ot one nginvesiaitgt odog ,hvea utothhg but. I i ifernds otbau ea,liys lduwo i akem asy evern atht esfmyl uhhottg. Wsn,odu erte,h ondura ngtiptu otu ti—inyer,igfrs the rssnettie, me eaglihn isltl lucerut myefls ti in ym ot lle,cego my rpuusngi awadsn— old ngdinif lefsmy ecnilnaovunotn nsczlioaigi gonotfi. Eud the tub fo owh olko it f,of rmsneot nkssined nad apdey ot epesr. Im' dan ,mlbheud yla,erl odurp. A anegrst tis' teoomni. E,m tes avhe gain i tanh etrbet dnfi eevn do yuo birdenoasu itng,ofo will otdbu no uoimt,ycnm oury. We e,lhl be one cloo nac ayd ebmya. Ttah lleray of eht oocl estestl kind lo,co. Rfrdawo i it okol ot. .
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Nalai,j enso, in my aa,hsh yad nad seoucr, hcout of thwi i peke ouronn. .
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En?cmshatilpcom sgttaeer.
Ieenlgyun lkei—ni i hso,rt and i ribkc veah cbrik imtuabsi,o yb d,har ogdo i i nda rifne,d i htta a flei i ma a tuilb nad spirnyleota ma esylt siht krwo. Needprets lecogel toeannliytilarn ot 'evew dne eon fo ltosam our treeh het reew' srpeots, ge,reed. Tgo culboiam and dan to psy a tcdomtmie ntivieursy ew niot )(! ndpipeerep. Yuo d cna eb (hey, !oodc)tr a. Cool ,)ot dna iricngxese w,okr ucindooptr we nac ear hagyswih ew godin drvie own (ro tnigyr enigsd. Ew uot, darce one a on nad ,ho amce ,ligr etdad. Tei,smdn ntkhi ma i i fo erpdtuos ehvrewo the my. And a wokr yrpuel ptreesc eolnrg i orfm acem lacpe heerw fo lmysfe nad no i ,calk own ofmr i. .
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?arsdge.
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Ehsto msrte gasd,er rasdwa yk,ao tgtineg ouy ngdoi neo moer in an,mroey era aetrugad no fo eetrh uyr'oe yuo sa ear fo rsgdae. Swa tme i utb ilncacil iknth ot doign eosinic,d hte i a it pdhs koto itghr glscyoypho si axrte a,sem od ******* ew oby a si hre,acrse it as eth a,elfumsh na who llew aytdo fro ayer. .
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?own trgih plreomb het tiegsbg.
Nad pmtur aisrvncuroo ste:la ktiang tdirgnpeo romf teh arw yoeomcn inldgoase ehlsmsb,a lrvesea ot tfle polsmreb ricmse be stmo ia teh si esems oevr, to in itisngrmam. Vsearel dlrow ianpgenhp oesgencdi ni e'hrtse teh. Nya,lplsero dna i i oetunmmm owkr dema cihn and rfaaid ygsoholpcy gvei dan of aiadfr ngs,die a eht to up j,ob faraid to fro ot lianilcc scrfeiaic nfdi to setitrne omcmti am. Dna d'otn vhea a ehva i adn n'dot eavh lla ton'd a i i a,rc ts,hi erniirlgfd emoyn. .
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Ichhw oshc:lo.
!vdias.
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We are ph?pay.
On eys esdest,sr a i,t nad inrkowg ubt tbi. On a,tauclly. I earf ni eliv. Ysa yhpap i i wsa hwo appyh sa now c'nat ma? asy cejilveytbo i ot i eehr ,odnoeimc emro, sna mi' easm rswn:ae ebla sa eb eht i hwti dna nca wsa i in saw nwhe.
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Gyiantnh ecgtlour/eufel s?job no.
Is big hte ntisqueo iths. .
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?maesrd.
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Fedirsn dan lerovs by colo uipcnoatosc tanw nad by ni ,iytc erdado i ndsdruuroe m,slora to vaeh peopel olco a oclo who kndi live. To ngdise dan tpolintea esu naictlalay i ym twan. Ot i small suepidbhl veha ,imeshntgo ntwa. Of adn to my eb ********* i oupdr ctnraei ntaw. Elocs emth mm,o i my nad watn hrono imh be and and a eaivhmnetcse hmi well to ttrae ot hegutard be gdoo to ni niacsot swyala nda da,d nad htsi. Awnt fdctonnei ot lefe i. Aekm si fo me 01(k0 a ot antw ot nr) ln-nigwmidob i enyom **** ton. Nniptddeene to be i tanw. Bafuiutle dna i nwta srtma be ot. Lropweuf dna i erceptdes nad wnat ot evelratn eb. H,ye ihwt osehtn juts bgnei my rsiedse. .
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Was stuast a bnesunslt snohet too peho ndtwae p,eterutosin tsuj ym i itknh writre autdpe i a'nwst made at the twnigir to tish goifver meor nda a i bteert, htat nad ,61 veig os. Iuldb lwasya htwa rmdsae hsit eohp e'wve i up ,eurt dna mseo ew i fo lfei of oeph ot ecma my aderdme. Enge,fil a i i st'i rudop it rdwie of am thecs eelf os ni eb i liwl oyu, udopr uoy, my of os. Vener 'youve ttdsee,l dan voyeu' hsodrleu eryptt vo'uye tgo deha avge a nvere up, ogod on uryo. Nidf 'mi onokigl evol you eohp teh i fro. .
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Eag lseta,l 22.

This user has written an update to this letter.To see what they wrote, please


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