A letter from April 17th, 2020

Time Travelled — 12 months

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, I hope you don't want to disappear like I fucking do. I hope you found out, somehow, how to break this fucking curse and that you're not only alive in the outsite and I don't even fucking know what to write. If you, if it's possible, are any worse than me, I have no fucking idea how you're holding up. I am not in the mood for compliments and that's not what we do, but wow what a fucking strong smart person you are. But you already know that. Fuck you, whoever it is. I don't think there is a way to be worse than what I am right now and yeah ok I've heard it over and over again: we're selfishhh. I know that shit. I tell myself that every fucking day. I don't give a f u c k. I won't say I hope for anything because I can't use that word when I don't have any. But well. I *word that isn't hope* that you're alive?? You don't want physical pain. And you don't want to hurt anyone around you. You fucking know. We're so predictable. How was it with Julia? Still dating her or did she get fed up with your shit? That's what people like her tend to do with people like you. Broken.

Epilogue

over 1 year later

This is me two, almost three years in the future. I want to apologize to anyone reading if they ever find this, but I had to write a reply, I...

Tsih ahve mtob ihtw rhe yesar seenoom dsnfi on ae,dd 'mi me elacgy ni amne 2020 fo tl'ondcu arfte ybam,e ,it het ihst tel vre,freo hte a rfo. Of a idtculfif asw eayr no us 0022 lla. Ees go uothhrg eth thta wdlou erve i i'ndtd i eikl negmsohit dowlr kniht. I tath idtn'd ltauhkfn yenoan soel mi' so. Ot tlrirebe adme os atth uhgtohr i tsrta eolhw ym yckul am htta ecddae sya nad ti stih to ilymaf eabl hpnpeaed ta teh of eht iesnfrd lla to my be yaithmun tnihg of. D,oc x,tianey deirnses,op adrlete pstnee,r fo iwth a aekm rnabi i lstil and dsp,t laet ,leoan dtn'di hte nad gbien by smfyel tmlosa eehdgootnea oe,hrwve sctefef it. .
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Elpepo nath i rersogtn are a huanm utb myan losa ma osngtr i beielev a,m i. Yhrptea lal eseht niesc ensselils syrea woelh mlosta ldate nad vi'e eplac tiwh the fo ichhdl,odo evro ent oianeimtdc. Die entw igglugntsr lony to ocldu hwsiign ali,ev yflsme 13 ghuthro i pkee at oolhcs i. Daevs ubt sa meacndoiti muersnou lewl tsi aer ,em eftcfes. Petferc os aswth' ti ndfi orf ot steka nlog lyinlfa ouy. I wno i i d,di eavh adn beettr eerv ebne ma in 2021 hnta. Ni i 2002 cluyk os 'wasnt. Stlil awll ehad lrrteeib no isarneetrl biarn dna tshhotgu isivsno ni i a lpeuoc my edns to saagtin hit ee,remisd dna ym had aayw temh het eewr dues i eth eht os orme deenpindg ot. I i my cesbaeu hte igvlin lyon ingifhgt teh ucdol heca my reoth ay,d dan eenvrweh hwit of ewrto i whelo wath aws t,aps sscra igurdn omm with asgem sfyelm, we dfrneis hiwt o?d of lepdya slee. Ot i od konw weort saeeubc what bste hte 'tis i. Sepoptd eevrn and i.
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Eetrtl awesr i ,ioersmp oen treebt was hist ullf hhaa nhta tawh fo i woert rwo,ds tlyuaiq. Ehyt adn eevr riwtign odne e'iv emos of erwe ovfartie my. Ler,a if so nvee fo eth wsord ton tetrepits. Hstone tuboa yemfls so ylinalf. Erdanel owh ot rweti lylnaif oaubt elfsmy i.
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Eon omst feufisrgn year fo httouhg of eht a tub wsa i fo arsey ym ti wsa efil ti tirmpanto. Uheg if it my itnw,gri levae to raucicl sreade a eolh oudwl. Ni teh as auccirl 2021 hyeival ot ym i ett,erl fro lalf het one ylfribe fo gilr tddae bnennigig i'd at i ahte,r the tmednneio ttha het. 'im nda ttah i ervfroe ot oryrs wkon 'im hatw ,oreebf act ersu tsi' idd dti'nd rhe yeas rof owh ot i etll ot raey that.
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Hte epo"hd" i'm i oyu t,sap uowdl yes, ot be as mrfo vail,e me. Nda etmi wot eevnr ttpamtes own noe be mein, eebewnt adn eerth will on gnaai eehtr ruyo rwee elfi ym. A nefdris flei a enw ewn nda pyiitsrshact, paitrtshe, a nwe eavh i new. Eour'y tub oru'ey iaengnlr oyu rnaeilgn eerv tnha adh eartfs ,to. Odog eebn nad cnpexereie 'sit a. You ady, i be oyl'lu ttah iorespm one etbert. Ton ta oen ot flee hnta y,sa to trghi oyrrs 'tis orwes h,ingt aoutb steal opiselbs yuo uyo reew idd. Wt'no ahtt eerv eb hnat it wrseo.
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Dnto' to twah iwter sjtu nwko uo,y klie i. To xseti adnrou eonathr leab neo mi' tno ym dna esdi by htaisscrm hte y,dota elab 'im reh ot sit' we ewnh doayt ryc idd sidpete i'm isaydolh ,ehtomr lal no to. Rthobre esh a to enpsro is wno rou tbreet. Ryrwo 'otdn. Su pu ohrbert astp ggonwir tfubeluai sekpe lamost your adn eihgth sh'e etitll ni. Oyu and liek lod rouy hsi, ondbl oiwgrgn ebuatuifl gnoal yedd its' rhia mih. Eh uy,o ovesl alsawy has eh.
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Go teertb in i kabc sihw yer'uo u,yo i ot but latk ctuudeohn meit adn odluc. Esduospp to uyo're fo aflupni siht naesin htat// elfi, igebn nto trap sa erebtt eb csik 81 dna tdiiearzocmn. Rae mimerseo yaphp i wokn of uyod' to of tbes be tath you nhitk my smoe. Iimssgn lcnlgia the eimt rhwee ,inefrsd nad bsu omhe gakint uoy oyu stopho eth ouy at on erew wyasla. 'olluy imte alner tetebr ihwt to oyu erov,eeyn aenm eoeplp ithw a adn tlo ot dale. Omyraen yolpfelhu that tngriiw klie eb ew nw'to hiyagtnn. Is't fro aeebhrt iemt to su. Ivytghrene cmboee orf to ddi anthk drroe me oyu you ni. I ma fnhatulk for os you.
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Esie,crnyl tfreuuem.

This user has written an update to this letter.To see what they wrote, please


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