A letter from October 5th, 2019

Dear FutureMe, Man I don’t know what’s going on. I’m so conflicted. I think I regret cutting him off so abruptly. It’s not Jalyn’s fault. I should’ve let myself think about it when I wasn’t emotional. I always do and say **** when I get crazy. I shouldn’t have blocked him. I should’ve listened first. Don’t make the same mistake in the future. Don’t let your emotions or other peoples opinions guide your decisions. You’re a grown up you can do it on your own. Take a deep breath next time and if you have to take some time to think. I know even now I’m confused if I did the right thing. Part of me is glad I did and another smaller part wishes I hadn’t. I’m so immature. And of course after 21 days binge free. I messed it up today. I feel hopeless. I don’t know what’s going on. I’m spiraling down again. Something doesn’t feel right. I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know who I am. I’m just so lost. I hope you have it figure out a year from now. Or at least are not as indecisive as you are now at 20. ****. I don’t know what to do. I need to be more decisive. I’m so easily swayed. ****.