A letter from September 5th, 2019

Dear FutureMe, Hey girl. Right now, it's my freshman year of college at UNM. I'm in my third week and currently dying. My first chemistry test is this friday, (it's wednesday today) and I'm really scared of failing. I hope that at this point you're successful and have all of your **** together. I bet this chemistry test won't even matter at the time I'll read this. (Maybe it will because it's college but I doubt it'll determine my entire future). Did you end up at CSU? I don't hate UNM, I just need something new. In my email to my high school graduated self, I asked too many questions and didn't tell myself enough about my current life so here we go. Freshman year is not completely what I expected. It's SO much more work than I thought it would be. School is truly my life but I kind of like the work because it keeps me busy and motivated. We bought the new MB today! (Do you still have it? Hopefully no issues. ;) haha). I miss Mckenna tremendously. She's in San Diego and it sucks not being able to hang out with her whenever I want to becuase I've been so used to it my entire life. I hope ya'll are still tight. I bet you are. Also what about Ellen? I'm curious to see how that relationship goes after she moves. You're probably not with Dan anymore. It makes me sad to think about right now but in reality, young relationships don't often last. He's really incredible though and if I could be with him forever I would but ya know... life. Maybe moving to Colorado will make long distance easier. Who knows. My current classes the 2019 fall semester are chemistry, algebra, sign language, philosophy, american government, and my stupid *** chem lab. My TA lowkey sucks so that class is gonna be a tough one. But we got this ****. I hope Mabel is doing well. She is truly the love of my life and such a sweet angel. I hope you stopped vaping. Please don't die. I've been struggling with handling school and work. I LOVE Tamashi but I honestly don't have time to work anymore and its draining but I need money so bad. Adulting is hard. I hope you've figured it out by now. My career goals as of right now are to head to medical school after graduation. Maybe in Texas because the cost is really good there. I think I want to be a peds surgeon but I'm sure my mind has probably changed. My backup is to be an industrial hygenist. I know medical school is going to be tough but right now I think I can handle it, even though I doubt myself constantly while I drown in homework. I miss my parents a lot. Even though I only live 20 minutes away, it sucks not being able to see them and Keegan every second of my life like I used to. I'm sure it'll only be worse when I'm in Colorado but I need to experience life away and on my own in a brand new place. I just really hope things are going well for you and I'm sure they are. Life is so hard sometimes but it's beautiful and you need to appreciate it. Growing up sucks. I linger on the thought of my childhood a lot and it makes me sad to think that I always wanted to grow up so badly. I want life to slow down now, something I never thought I'd want. I remember being 12 and wishing I was 14. Being 14 and wishing I was 16. Being 16 and wishing I was 18. And here I am now, 18 and wishing I could go back to being 12. It's weird. My roommie situation is okay I guess. I have five roommates in my apartment D302 woot woot. We have a super fluffy dog which is awesome to come home to after a long day. I don't really get along with my roommates. We're chill but not really friends. I mostly lock myself into my room whenever I come home but I kind of prefer being alone. Carly isn't too far and same with Connor so I hang out with them a lot when I have freetime. Maybe tonight after I finish writing this letter we're gonna have Wine down Wednesday and get trashed. I can't really think of much more to say. I just hope you're doing well and enjoy reading this and reflecting back. Maybe these days will be the ones you miss. I need to cherish them instead of dread the studying. Learning is a cool opportunity and I should appreciate it more. It's hard when its SO HARD though. Keep it up. I know you have hard work and motivation inside you, even though you get super lazy sometimes. You are strong and beautiful. Love your life and enjoy the little things. I love you, Madeline 4 September 2019