A letter from August 24th, 2018

Dear FutureMe, Dear FutureMe, Sitting and writing down this email in 24.08.2018 on what is the third day of Eid-ul-Adha. Maliha leaves tomorrow . Just last night I was thinking, rather regretting about whether I was going to remain alone all my life. Whether I will still be watching coming-of-age chick flicks or teen dramas to make me feel better, to compensate for what is missing from my life. I wish I had realised it earlier, and when I had the chance or if I had the chance at all. Have I truly loved someone or even liked them? The first person who comes to my mind whom I truly liked for the ,last time was perhaps K, and that was 2 years ago. Is there someone new now? Or someone at all? Or am I still alone? No it's not the fact that I see people on my Facebook newsfeed getting married, none of my friends are married, till now atleast! It's just the dream I had in 2017 back in Bristol. Perhaps one of the most beautiful dreams at about 9-9;30 in the morning... Was it the walkway covered with sakura flowers or just green hedges and canopy around us? All I remember was that it was snowing , I was wearing my burgundy New Look coat (do I still have it?) and my burgundy gloves, he had slight beard/stubble and was wearing a black coat (no gloves) and it was sowing as we walked through the canopy. I leaned into him and rested my head against his shoulder , he was tall so I couldn't reach up to his shoulder properly , lol. He held my hand so tightly...was it because he wasn't wearing gloves and he wanted to be warm? But it was the warmest feeling I ever had, in the dream and till date I can still feel the warmth running through my entire body whenever I think about it. I couldn't see his face, infact there never is a face, but there always is a stubble or beard and he's tall (so I'm going to try and live up to that!) . It's one of the dreams I remember and use to fall asleep whenever I can't or whenever I am stressed. Is there still no face to that dream? Or was I finally able to put the most important missing piece in that puzzle after all these years? Only time will tell...