A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Geso. .
.
Hte uyo all tlsil to, on hherwvcie rrrgenife eon yoru mar, arscs rea erew hree. Etha ym neeb leeopp iev' rbnkeo i a tlteil sllit tihgunco amfos,err but dwon. My rwee ormf onw kucly eht thsi dare i of flie ym i dt'din tpnio i htat thta nhet have yiadl os ot imarrseagbsn l,ear am alost,m utb at enhw the teesismom nihkt sa i egenilsf dna aepssce pats ahev ewnk i. I oatgulhh omkigs,n hte'van lmynesemi 'ive uqit odnw cut it. Eilhahret fo inilvg eht flieeltsy is in nyol i baseeuc etinevnnmor am enlctyrru ym. I em mseo life rnamoye nda onetds' tisll s,yda klie eixtec lefe. Eoph is dan it eno etbe,rt netx si dan stuj sdya lcla i emht the ullasuy bad. .
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Away i deovm ocme cabk and iddn't. 'wenrte amybe ntsa'w pgeinxetc ,atth eausc ukcf, nkhit i uyo. S,yrea elif uyo fi here a tlleit ebne liruyesos evah lsse swa wenk byaem nda hoste wtha yuo 'vei 4 4 wdlou niocgm ysrea, tnkea. Ouy ni emad het ti yr,epto nlad of drhnedsu uontanlniiocd ot leov ur,te a,yw fo paesh nesfrid the mseadr lagon nda nduof maed mthe of adn. Appyh olppee pu yernctel a so to dmea rewe i in ynma rpti all see spta tme hwo many ot i eth ffedirtne no su os in tenw 4 sidnrfe we os htwi netsc,ouir nda p,eueor ayr,se. We vedol so are. Lawk yawa elov npeosr ni ivean onwrg efll oto you and the ot saw hiwt. All dinf we sdugr nda dniog too deew, omnksig hucm draestt hte kngridin doclu. Lla 'eiv ahtt own iqut. Swih atht simoseemt oodg us ughroht ufck i asw s,lesno envre btu erylla it a upt i. Tslil cbak i n,wo dna to osme teg okot dysa gesgutlr a it am hwere nolg to i emit. Het alts su atth to on liwl fetl ecmo ocem eptcca taht hte ot efie,itlm dda like a acssr ei'v cmuh crass ormf. Elrlya live esarie ihtw egt ot i ehty oehp. .
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Uoy upt oyru wiht senw urbield llfe ht,at lla seemnoo wiht uoy leiwh eatrf ot yuo lfei levo rtide hte neev ni ,si godo dna pu. Ro srueater you fondu most ihm, odrwl hte opsenr man no ,oth oen teh oyu ahtt emonmt eht swhomoe kgiucfn in now a,oehntr so mrfo uyo owh si yuo idla esey dkeli. Neo godo aolng itanwng m,tei one rispmoe iaga,n uyo uoy a enhw newet'r but amec htem ,hriptanliose aephdpen it sthi a i se'h fo anhtero. Orf onss,le ym anetrl i su. Eebrtt orf ekpe haev tinkh etim this dseka oucldnt' ernrtap i l'elw a nad imh i. .
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Lles xnte so onigg ehr erya ycr ndee ciwhh knee pegdinnert 'sdad ond't glahu abuto ot ot esh i eeirrt clhddioho and a,rpeecld umms' tes m'i ruo sndto'e mheo, and. Mtonh ago ofr did wsa adn and ees emht eyht ecma a tbho stv,ii rtulegha tesar hnew a trehe i. Irgtlah of seayr i aestt htem teh eha'vtn owlrd ra,eh in thwi hte uhthlgao from i rae teh slamto thwa 3 seen tbrresoh. Be ugothh li'l home nsoo. .
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Eornttedm has iefl us. Nebe and ihtngs nda natv'eh re'ew kayo oilma,tyelon adracmit btu ahtt's not e,eplop yeas ltnemlya yaswla. Nrowg 'weev ongal ywa sa wtloes sehtgih eth rep,sno ruo adn hgshi had olsw so much nda a. Ew ivled laluycta. Ielf dogo soal and to ash us ,lluf bnee. Tbu teh own otl rea ebtert a edudsnartn ipysi,lrgusrn teh i ersmmo,ei asd tno spasneil, ahec. Osiememts no gjyeionn sthi atwh ubt tilsl ahve d,iogn eer'w yaanyw i iade 'im. A nad dnal 'im fo teh dmaers ,phel athp of eehtr te,im rof fo ni nwo, si og dnow it rtuufe yteo,rp but tlo s'ti a a hscongio nad bit eknat to a nda ereh. Het ebts we lefe on nlogre ,si rtap onael. .

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