A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Seog. .
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All heer scars neo you mra, hhwriceev ienrfgrre the istll your ,to ear reew on. I odnw eafomrr,s btu a my etah nbee vie' beoknr ltsil lppeeo teltil gochunti. Ostemmise tihs ehva i taht rmfo my pats isnraargmsbe i enhw ethn i newk my tipno hte eht i fiel ot arde btu as yulck evha d'ditn adn won hatt ntkhi l,smota ladiy lginefse so rwee am i at lera, fo sseecap. Ismnleemy 'eiv ha'tenv i qtiu utc ti n,sikmog uaoghlth ownd. I eltsylief of nligiv tmvnnenerio hhiateler my esuabec the nylo tnlueyrcr in ma si. Nad ltsli i ilek me ,sdya teiecx nd'sote ilfe elfe esom nrmyeoa. Epoh eno bad ysad si teh meht exnt yluauls i si dna ti tt,beer tjus and call. .
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I dan kbac dt'ind ocem yawa mdevo. Wsatn' i myeba ecuas ,htat yuo ren'etw fk,uc peexgntic nkthi. Soeht 'ive fi a uyo ldwou ye,ars ereh y,aers itltel 4 iserulosy sles ouy 4 ybmea bnee atwh evha knaet eknw lfie asw dan omigcn. Ti sfrnide voel hasep doncnuiitaonl dame snuherdd eru,t dsarem ni ouy awy, of glnao hmet adem of teh adn nda ,etoypr dnal ndfuo eht of ot. Lla aynm anmy 4 yphap dsinfer wiht os ese on eth mead psta emt enwt nad up ,esyra leoepp i leycetnr weer in opr,eue in ot we a os i ritp so su who fferetndi to ocnsuirte,. We ear so veold. Nogrw uoy too awlk away asw eht nveia snoerp voel iwth dna ot in ellf. Iomnksg indf we lal ngrikind teatsrd gudrs dee,w oot eht doclu iogdn nda uhmc. Wno htta iqut all e'iv. Put us oogd i a ttah trguohh tub llayre ckfu nerve eessiomtm asw nsoels, ti i iswh. Ongl to ootk nda reehw i a ti ma to n,ow miet sady ckba i tlsil strglegu gte omes. ,ifmletei 'ive uhcm taht add casrs mcoe tsla no hte rcssa us mrfo lwli omce eflt ot taht ot apccet ikle a het. To i epho ihtw they earsie gte alrley ivle. .
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Up all tfear nvee etidr uoy mesooen ot lelf eht eilrbdu in uoy tihw a,tht senw utp uyo nda s,i tiwh hlwie ilef velo uroy oodg. The etmnmo form udfno adil oen omst yuo so uyo in the ro mh,i nam hte rseraute t,oh elkdi ohsoewm ohw eoatn,rh no seey uoy dwrlo you nwo is taht iugnckf rnpseo. Neo erhanot nehw one aecm oyu of eepnadph tshi msrpeoi entiisrhlpo,a a m,tei tehm good i tub gnwinat onlga hs'e ina,ga a ti 'etwner uyo. I ,oeslns for ym elnrat us. Tperrna i for epek imet think ehav treteb lwel' ihst i a 'otulncd eaksd nad mhi. .
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Rhe ereitr auhlg pginrneedt texn i'm ongig cyr to dna i lles lapeer,cd hse uabto oohicdlhd ruo est ende raye d'ads os u'smm kene ot tno'd iwchh 'dseotn nda eo,mh. I nthom hetm v,isit mace rethe dan htey luehtrga a orf enhw obht oag ees artes ddi wsa adn a. Hte ragtlih mfro tstea tomals lowdr the aghthluo ayers 3 eens vahet'n htaw tohbrser fo rh,ae thiw het ni aer ethm i i. Eb l'il osno ohthgu moeh. .
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Tetonmerd hsa eifl us. Tno shgint okay ehv'nat eneb aircadtm esya btu we're nad awlays peol,pe th'ats and oln,tomyiela emlayltn. Gihsh owsl wrgon a eotlsw p,rseno way het dna chmu dan eewv' as golan adh so gtheihs rou. Ew atlyclua edvil. F,lul eneb doog su to adn sha efli saol. Btu the ees,moimr sad i sniape,sl a tlo aer teh ruglsps,yiinr retbet ntareudsdn ceha ont now. Htwa adei veha itlsl eimemstos ywyaan i'm i ee'rw io,dgn sthi no btu eonjgniy. A of it olt land si won, bit tnaek dna ehter fo ot h,pel m'i dna a esrmad furtue ofr i'st het og tp,orey eerh nad hiooncsg a utb a fo ptah in wdno ,emit. Eanlo grelon leef ,is we sbet no het part. .

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