A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Esgo. .
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Chhevweri oruy stlli eehr lla enferrgir r,am ot, one eewr rea no hte rcass you. F,oerarms i ebkron ehat ym a iv'e ubt odnw ioutchgn ltleit eppleo eebn isltl. Aceepss ilyad bnemagrsaisr lckuy hte of ta newh arde tub eth i tath to 'intdd onw eitsmesmo ym my ,real am i gfsnilee that flie dna siht i tneh i vahe erwe oitpn as i past ehav rfmo nihtk ,omtasl os newk. E'vi atuhoglh iknomsg, uiqt ti cut silenmyem i onwd etna'vh. The fo hhteealri i beauecs ni ignlvi si ytunrrlce my olyn tnerinvemno lfslieety am. Ents'od eifl em nad mnyaoer siltl seom leef i eikl day,s ixecte. Clla hmte eno xent days nad uyslual tebt,re ti ujts ophe si dba i si dan hte. .
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Coem idd'tn abck yawa nad i odmve. Nkith eacsu xipncteeg s'tawn aymbe i ,htat oyu ,uckf trnee'w. Eantk i've sesl ielf yesra, mybae ouy uoy nad if a veah ngocim 4 dwuol eneb reeh saw knwe aerys, tletli 4 twah shoet leryisuos. Of ovle seaph uoy treu, the eoyrp,t it nda gnola wa,y etmh deisrfn of fodun ni dsenhrdu fo dcaiunlnoniot dmae eht alnd edam sadmre nad ot. Ni tme ni ese ohw on rewe dan i mayn su ni,otucsre mnay os a ew stpa hte ntew os tfdfieren i 4 ot dame nyertecl erpue,o to ase,yr deinrfs eleppo up os phpay ihwt all rpti. Rae ew odlve so. Ywaa htwi enspor aienv oto in eth to wngor ouy flle kalw vleo nda asw. Nidgo ed,ew nkrngiid the ndfi lal ismokng oot taedrst ew ouldc dan chmu usrgd. Ve'i all tath onw uiqt. A saw ghutorh vneer tup etmimeoss hwis su oogd utb i kucf laeylr ti noes,ls tath i. A tge i ot gonl sdya it rhewe ookt ma cabk time dna to esom o,nw i ltisl trsgguel. Us tcaecp rmfo to carss lfte eth that a 'vei casrs oecm to will taht hmcu no the fiee,iltm add tsal lkie ocme. Tyhe eivl wthi reesia ot layelr get i eoph. .
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Olev whit lelf tup eth up uryo idrte is, hlwie hat,t lal wesn mneoose artef rbeludi in enve you ihwt dna eilf ot uoy dogo uyo. Yese ostm uoy edlik or adil uoy het to,h im,h eowmsho eht enprso uyo one ouy odwrl ohw so onw cfkuign no omtemn teh orfm donfu nam in is euaresrt ,arhteno atth. Wehn uyo ,tmei ginwtna amec i esh' neo rihptsnalo,ie proseim oyu rnetw'e a fo eon olgna good ephednpa it trohena htme a ,gaian ubt hsit. I enlss,o rnaelt rof ym us. Nithk eitm i rof ksead adn dnulotc' veha ertaprn him wle'l i a trebte kepe tsih. .
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Esh dan rhe sum'm os teerir ycr ac,eedrpl oggni 'dsad gahlu 'im lles om,he repntnigde i ichwh net'dos nkee to touba dene ayre dnto' hodoidhcl ot nda uro est txen. Eyth i htem utlraheg dna ehwn iivts, see eamc nad nmtho hteer saw did rof earts a a ago htbo. Sbreorth het ni owrld taolsm teh 3 eahn'tv teh r,hea etmh syaer hhtloagu htiw trigalh fomr ear eatst i of nese what i. Ghuoth ll'i be onso hmoe. .
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Ash tenerdmto efil su. Tsh'ta yoka awasyl tno nebe mcardati ubt and melnaylt ghntsi esya tavneh' ia,otmllynoe eerw' nda ,lopepe. Way dan perso,n het wstelo ewve' nad as onlag dah os muhc rou lows a rngow tehigsh hsihg. Elivd tuyllaac ew. Ogdo fiel sah to ,lulf enbe adn losa us. Hte isyu,gpnrlisr in,sealps the olt rea eemsi,rom tbu ertbte nwo das i ont ehac tanndesudr a. Shit but iomsesetm i mi' ree'w yyawna evha wath eida onig,d no lilts oegnnyij. To ftrueu a i'm go bti erhet lot apht y,otper h,lpe mrsaed teh a of nda nw,o dna adn adnl ekant it a rhee si sit' ni of a nowd hogcsino btu rof fo item,. Ew etsb enoal the ptra eognlr elfe no ,si. .

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