A letter from July 9th, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, How are you? Are you happy? Have you started testosterone? I don’t think you’ve gotten surgery but are you near it? Who are you with? Did Chloe hurt you or did you hurt her? Are you still together? I really hope you are but if not, I’m sorry to whoever you’re dating for bringing it up. I’m self conscious about a lot and I want to know what’s changed. My mouth, I don’t think that’ll change though. I’m short. I have small hands and feet. My eyebrows are thin. My thighs are too big. People like to pretend I’m a little child. Do people still think you’re stupid and need to be protected? Has your voice gotten any deeper? Do you still play the ukulele? I know this won’t mean much because I’m 15 and what do I know, but I really think you’re going to get through this if you haven’t already. I hope you haven’t hurt yourself. The last time should be February 2018. Does that sound like an old number? 2019 sounds fake to me. I wonder if I’ll even still have the same email. Or if I decided to go to college. I really want to become an actor but it’s really hard, are you doing good with that? Have you given up? What do you do? I really hope you’re ok and I wish you could write back to me. I love you. I wish I was there instead of here.

Epilogue

about 8 hours later

My whole life I’ve been quiet, I’ve always felt like my voice will never be heard. I don’t know who would care for me or have empathy without expecting something...

Ni rertun. To i tpu get nhew od st?rif flsmey.
’vie tusj twedia na syear to lreaidze mofr eymsfl vife maeli teg i. Rewsna drea a,rec i eusr tou ntqosuei kngiam hcea ldou iemal atht to wiht. Yppah spot ni ni bda temnal file im utb a mi. Ti lintu me ecootbr ocu’ltdn 9021 turh i tbu tdaim hes. Riesusicinet ulayltca ouatb owh caer i me rof i ubt nayeon sduejg vhae ’dtno theso etmh. .
Lveo too yuo i.
I to was abck owhs ghu wtan i dndt’i to mroctfo tawn ovle i i ,mfelys flee gngttie tneh eysflm and.
Ot i ot gtnoehsmi olok ndtawe tlfe i in ielf busaece so adrptpe rdfowra.
’tis in tebetr my gnoid im 21ts trhbydia hucm oytad i,efl. Eoms i ileps iworder veen yuo ntkhi nigog i olaclho eazidler saw aitn tbu was nod’t to be hist. I faodrf eahv ,ojb sowh’ oearotm i ni ,dniref of i inefsdr hitw a rsuopg an vahe vahe ceni vahe eth ’tsi saye i my snpal now i tuffs ilk,e i sbte ,dmeoref ym anc etufru,. Orf rhda i tsih i dan oewrdk hist rsevede. Reeesdv oyu sthi isth ouy adn rdowek fro arhd. Weer eher oto ouy i siwh. Nrveithegy butoa sith ym autbo i yeourng ,self khnit nkiht wiht agkilnt aongl to ti i aleim. Mgineai i i oyrgneu ym the otomcfr nda tyr ouevlw’d iuqte i lto a sqsonutei dakse sefl ot. Igrthbeno in btu dya aws to vere pu hwne i fof, si ttah thta itcrde 51 htis i seray cctiuinonoamm ldo get me ucathg a em i so tedn rmfo h’twsa. To onw iktlang a dichl tgirh mi. Adn to htta rhee ewrokd it rsdsveee losa lhdic radh he gte. Beientrtg ot i hitkn nlemta my healht nda i ytesilflse trtas eden.

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fracturedfriends:

about 2 years ago

This is probably my favorite one I've ever read, I'm glad you are in better place. I hope you keep giving yourself message from past you. I know I look forward to each email past me sent.

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