A letter from July 9th, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, How are you? Are you happy? Have you started testosterone? I don’t think you’ve gotten surgery but are you near it? Who are you with? Did Chloe hurt you or did you hurt her? Are you still together? I really hope you are but if not, I’m sorry to whoever you’re dating for bringing it up. I’m self conscious about a lot and I want to know what’s changed. My mouth, I don’t think that’ll change though. I’m short. I have small hands and feet. My eyebrows are thin. My thighs are too big. People like to pretend I’m a little child. Do people still think you’re stupid and need to be protected? Has your voice gotten any deeper? Do you still play the ukulele? I know this won’t mean much because I’m 15 and what do I know, but I really think you’re going to get through this if you haven’t already. I hope you haven’t hurt yourself. The last time should be February 2018. Does that sound like an old number? 2019 sounds fake to me. I wonder if I’ll even still have the same email. Or if I decided to go to college. I really want to become an actor but it’s really hard, are you doing good with that? Have you given up? What do you do? I really hope you’re ok and I wish you could write back to me. I love you. I wish I was there instead of here.

Epilogue

about 8 hours later

My whole life I’ve been quiet, I’ve always felt like my voice will never be heard. I don’t know who would care for me or have empathy without expecting something...

In nruret. Od i utp sitf?r wehn ot fmslye etg.
Na seray form sjtu to i alzieedr eivf eliam ymself ediwta ’evi tge. Arde ehac to gkianm atth ilema acr,e esur hiwt notisque i duol ersnaw otu. Ni lefi im anelmt im a ospt bad in tub yapph. Ti ooertcb dimat tiunl tuhr ’ndoclut 9120 btu i me ehs. Owh obtua me jdsegu i aehv otd’n eshot rof crenitsiseiu taayclul neynao erca i meht ubt. .
Too i leov uyo.
I tgetign hnte anwt was i dna sohw i lefe to bcka rctfoom nwat lsyfem evol hug lm,esfy ot di’dnt i.
I i lfet so retppda lefi tgnmiohes okol to oadrrwf buseeac dwaten to in.
Ni ti’s im ytoda tbrtee my 2s1t dgino hucm ,feli hydirtba. Atin esmo was siht gogni ’odtn owedrir i tinkh veen ot ubt azdielre you swa i lohlaoc sielp be. Nsapl ftufs iwth in the ffraod leik, ahev heav veah bo,j i ehav a cein my ,ifdern estb nac dmr,eefo i ,utreuf irenfsd i fo nwo i eyas i oatmreo my orspgu na i soh’w ’its. Seredev fro hist owkrde hist adn i i arhd. Erwkdo oyu shti dan uoy hard rof hist sdeever. Uoy too eewr sihw ereh i. Lonag elfs, knhti eiaml ti tboua i sith i htwi gtlnkai ntkhi to etgiyernvh oeugryn buota ym. Nad ot my i dovuwe’l eianmig i eslf ngreuyo i rmtoocf a try the itqeu estsqoiun esakd lto. Ever i i htta get is ectrid ayd yrase romf 51 i mucticnnomiao ffo, pu whne os was tath endt me in ot hsit s’awht lod a etorhibgn tbu achgut em. Mi hdilc a onw lniktag to ihgtr. Desesver oredwk hrad egt ot ti htta he dna hilcd rhee sloa. I atrst nemtla dna lltyfessei to betirgetn thkni aethhl i my ndee.

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fracturedfriends:

about 2 years ago

This is probably my favorite one I've ever read, I'm glad you are in better place. I hope you keep giving yourself message from past you. I know I look forward to each email past me sent.

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