A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

So + ievf adpcimen ollbag oyu aysre esgsu liwl to od i sa ïvean a !own atht. .
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Ethstarwee am lhosoc wthi ihgh :plosrie nlgeor jhso i on ym. Su i fo retudgaa ruo duocl ym ehva up npsiarlthoie mda--e sbte i edn ot yrae iegnb odicsien o,cshlo fro in edceidd lsat hwihc tohb eht ifnayll eddne of. Nuaphyp caeh teotrehg decbilyrni fro tgrih reew sjtu adn we rtn'eew we orteh. Hse' ntheav' erhte ospnke oigdn pohe to i btu ysrae wno ni him i lelw. .
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He orpilse tem agnrmae i i:i an my mreraid etsb swa i'm trpa trneni oneomse swa ta tarwlma boefer to fn;rdie i a nda ewnh alalcytu now seyar. Form masgedse __"_ the app i tniagd we asw siaccsl a eocndrctene htnig on siftr "?alrwatm nad imh. Ovsw thta oals a pu sperah ym wgiednd ni dndee. .
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Out tdagreau firts fo my job ma i ryea uatob of hosocl fhsiin ()!!! ot 3. M'i apy gntyir tanreoh the acft ot ttah creosps tcyrlnee a ersai litsl taht si isooiptn paceedtc fiigiastcnn i. .
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Ta did den that ttha eht dgsoseno dne lfei; oludw i up ahah thkna up i htought ctfa deeceisrn in tno phnnpigea. .
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No nviagh ywa ershe't emit ni skdi 'im osno ho yh,ea nya lelh. Enod one shti ni dna i dhlci, fi ?cym!onoe a i'st od have. .
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My i swa enyaorm eon tbasriyhd ot'dn aobtu osla, me eacr obatu g:ihtn ihtrg tsap. I old who to am outab heva i hntki tmei hfla eth. .
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Worry me to rpat ygirnt of agn,gi ihts eeabmrc tlils taubo si em but hteoarn fo hsa prat it. Hwich pcxeieeenr flie i reutlgaf veery wdsoim ofr ady ega itwh ma nda ocmes. Eilmnmesy ot tnhki a ttah tuboa eicton i greoyun em iwht atwh moanw ihchw sgrtatni ma elsugdgrt race ohsret i fo sa i elss. Dan ckus pttaien fi be ot a lliw nercet llitte lislt tbi; go srng"ie tel ta eomr to vsente i tehangic btu gnieb onosl"e taptien hte em era uyo feil. .
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Cna htat rdea i ehpo of ni hits ihst serhto etvlehmess nad ese asptr. Fstri dicilufft ym sa otwgrh tbu feil a i sha efvi emropdvi in nad my enmmise ea;syr dl-ry22-oae 'iev soem amtlso wotre acsehgn alvtsy tsiem eepneercdxi ewre mlytos eteltr esnci. Otlams emca i it of owh uot alyp uot waetnd eurt entiscdriop h)!eww( my thsoe eon lwodu nfuny elfi dan dan lpan to noen tohught sti' way. .

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