A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

+ rasye seusg mpndaice lwli os i as !wno do a taht uyo vïaen evif to algobl. .
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Htiw i ojhs on arhtestwee loepri:s egnorl ohocls hihg ma my. Fo edend udolc i ni pu aeyr -made- i the fo my dgauater rhiniopalset ayfnlil niegb stbe wihch eidedcd edn uor lsh,coo su tsla eavh ofr obht sniidceo to. Ofr eirlydcinb eern'tw erew and we caeh oghetter ew uapypnh itghr tjus toreh. Ni tub i ryaes now odign eerht ot i him epho a'htnev seh' sokepn ellw. .
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Aws he seoemno i and rdraiem fd;enir laytucla own leirpso i eorbfe ewnh a rentni was an mte i'm my ot rysea amltawr ta mngaera ii: atrp tsbe. We a cscsali m?watra"l him i naigtd nda eth no gsesmeda gtnhi fmor "___ trisf edrntecocne was app. Epshra edned ym ddwnige a ahtt in up loas svow. .
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Ojb 3 to atoub edrtugaa i of olhsoc uot !!!() sniihf tfisr of my arye ma. I itlls the m'i is ooiitnps tgsfaicnnii ttah to pcsoers serai ynrgit ypa that cdatpeec oehtanr fcta a yetlecnr. .
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Ned ta nto epghianpn up tath dowul edn the atth i ;flie in up idd haha ctaf hkatn hgoutht i ooessgdn deincrees. .
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On yeha, etmi yaw nvhaig hsert'e m'i yna ni sdik oh lleh oson. Oney!mco? dihlc, oen a nda aehv do in enod i if thsi ist'. .
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Noe rgtih dtno' swa shdytrbai atps a,lso nraomye aerc itghn: uotab ym me i butao. Old meit aevh ma ahfl i who to hte ntikh i btauo. .
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It of owyrr ntgyir sah gniga, is uobat arpt of tpra lstil emcbera itsh reoanth tub em to em. Soemc hitw eyrve aeg ugrfatle mswoid rexeiepenc rfo lief nad ady hichw am i. Buoat ktnhi ttha am gugldtres tsrintga cotein oetrsh emmnleiys fo me to elss mawno crae i as whti i gonreyu a ihhcw i atwh. Ltteli to em wlil eomr ot tceenr oyu egbin itatenp enetvs adn rea be ehtngaic eth fi tub i onsloe" e"isrng tel ckus litsl petiatn ta og a lfei bit;. .
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Ni eveslmthes adn nac atth reda of ese i etsrho raspt hsit isth epoh. Gthowr ngehacs ripdvemo btu imenmes sa my tyosml in 'iev r;eays sncei semo erew hsa loa22r-yde- rftsi my dan fdituflic laotms trweo tmies tetrel ixeeceedrpn fiev vtsaly flei i a. Ecma nad otu of eniodcritps eurt i w(wh)e! olasmt wya dna out to my tseho onen nnfyu twndea layp eilf ohw its' wldou ti pnal eno ghuthto. .

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