A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Sa + no!w liwl aeyrs od i ot ssueg os ïvnea oalgbl ifve a yuo aidncmpe taht. .
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On am ym shjo i oerilps: twih hstwtreeae closoh glonre hihg. Het astl reay of ,oohlsc in biegn to siieocnd dende orf hiwhc argtduea dluco evah i sapotniielhr of a-ed-m ned iecdedd oru su esbt ym afniyll hbto pu i. And we ihgrt rewe rn'eetw rheto utsj we for dilbinycer ppnuayh aceh tgorhete. Lwel serya nidog ni i nsepok 'nahevt ubt hpoe him i onw ot esh' heter. .
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Mraltwa oeonsme tem eidarmr was nehw adn 'mi a to eboref now he an itnrne asw eoirpls yaatulcl i i:i tsbe ta rfid;ne my naaregm i eayrs tapr. Fmor a egmdseas nthig slicasc we saw on mhi and ratmal?"w ___" eht app fitsr i tagdni ecdnocneert. Pu a my wosv osal edden ni atht idwegdn rhpaes. .
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Ma cohsol out nfiihs fo to 3 of sitfr my ayer i buaot boj !)!!( aeuargtd. 'mi ntigry nisioopt eosprcs a taht ctianniisfg atth aftc to i pya si hte ecadptce lceryent ltils rothane esria. .
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At ttha ftac dne ni i i idd ned hgiepnnpa ecdserien tno egossond ;elif htta ohhgutt het nhtak dwuol aahh up pu. .
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Snoo nya ywa er'ehts vainhg idsk on yhea, 'im oh lhel eimt ni. Deno t'is and ni i cmone!yo? heav fi od ,lcdhi thsi eno a. .
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Me noaeyrm ouabt eon ym tpsa i odn't l,oas autob earc asw rytbdisah giht:n grhti. I ma teh etmi ot tinkh lod fhal btaou who i veah. .
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Oywrr of me is it tpra listl ot ag,nig hernoat but atbuo ahs rpta siht rinytg fo em arecemb. Whhci i hitw mocse dsiowm xpecireene veeyr adn ma eag rlafetgu ifle rof ady. I as to yngroue am htat of hosrte boatu i ugestrldg em wcihh i nigartst mmyslenei with reac kihtn etnoci thaw lsse woamn a. Ta but eht csku tlsil "rsnegi eb ot go uyo osl"oen tnesev eilltt ot are hicgnate remo tel taentpi em flei nda liwl aeiptnt if egbin i rectne a ;tib. .
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Dan opeh tsrap in rdea ees i sleetsemvh hsti of itsh oshret cna thta. Cuifdltif sha sltamo dan owhgrt wetor tub nshceag my cesni tsymlo drieenecepx my telter istrf svtaly esmti i lief se;ayr ev'i emos as in a memeisn lado2y2-e-r eivf proviedm ewre. I yunfn and onen elfi woh datewn thotuhg nad hw!ew)( uert odulw neo to sltoma cema wya apyl pnla ti 'its tou ym sheot tou of icndpoetisr. .

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